Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
