we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
