i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
