Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
