I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Girls should come with a carfax report
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
