i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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