just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
