I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
