There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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