After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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