i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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