I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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