im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
