Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
