I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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