You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
