carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
