if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize