Kareoke will never be a sober sport
True but thats because hes a fetus.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
