You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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