party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
