That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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