check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
