I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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