just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
