I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
