Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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