My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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