gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
