I just pynch a tree in the face
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize