I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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