New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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