remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
