Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
