piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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