i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
