No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
