i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I would fuck him just for his dog
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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