He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
