I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
