...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
