I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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