god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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