I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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