is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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