you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize