Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
