no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
