I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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