I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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