when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
