Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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