You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
