DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
