Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So squirting runs in the family.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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