peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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