So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
