I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
