I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
