hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
