In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
