oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
