I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Randomize
