I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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