Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
