Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
