literally had 100 drinks last night.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
