I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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