I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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