sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
