She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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