yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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