I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
