I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He has the fingertips of a God
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
