Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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