plz talk dirty to me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You are a genius and a whore.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
