I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
