Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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