wakey wakey hands off snakey
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
