I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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