Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
