Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Actions speak louder than pants.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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