Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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