Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sext me about skeletons
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