is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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