You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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