hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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