:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
