he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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