i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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