So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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