Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
where are my eyebrows?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
