I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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