hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
