I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize