Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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