Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
