If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
