She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize