Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I intend to get homeless drunk
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
