fuck your aforementioned shoe
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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