I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
