I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
