i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
